I regret my choice.
You see, I had a chance just this morning to Love. To quiet my thoughts and bear his burden. To listen and not speak all the words swirling in my head.
I had a chance to express Love in the kindest way...without condition.
Managing to make it thorough another 24hrs of the second life he once loved to live. He made the stop before home, the one for all our comfort, the same one every 3rd day, to release the busyness, the stress, to make the switch from being "on call" to being husband, daddy.
Exercise releases all that, eases the transition.
He arrived hot and tired. The house already buzzing with little voices, pretend car engines revving and squeals from girls playing.
It can be a lot. The pressure.
He needed me to listen, I did, but then I suggested and added pressure.
When the hose is charged, pressure added, if the seals not tight it will burst. Every time.
I didn't make sure the seal was tight.
What if I had been quiet, just listened? Been honoring? I thought I was but when there is even just a hint of self it doesn't come across that way.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I am sorry for adding stress, for assuming, for implying, expecting and Loving with conditions.
I will keep practicing: LOVE!
4 comments:
I appreciate your humility here. All too often I can echo your words from my own opportunities lost when I coulda/shoulda been loving. Thank God (and husbands!) for grace for another chance.
I love reading your thoughts on life. Glad your back to blogging
Oh, I have lived this regret so many times and I'm so grateful for my husband's grace and forgiveness! Beautiful confession and intention to change for the better!
Unconditional Love is a work in process, isn't it! That it grows and grOWS and GROWS - because we repent and don't give up! It is hard to keep the self out of love sometimes! I think one of the things I wrestle with is that I want to be perfect; learning to understand that God knows I have a lot of growing to do - even at my age, is that kind of unconditional love He has that takes the pressure off of me:). So glad I stopped by from Ann's today: You blessed me!
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