My life so far has been a journey containing one act of faith after another. I won't go way back but just to the start of my adult life at the age of seventeen.
Two weeks after my seventeenth birthday I became the Mommy to a little life that challenged me to walk in faith. This was certainly not in the plan I had for my future, at least not this soon anyway! I grew up in a Christian home with a God fearing family surrounding me. My parents were just like yours and just like me now, trying their best to do this thing called life the best way they knew how. Looking back to me then I can see I searched for acceptance and love everywhere but up! God was there with me, just not part of my everyday life, it's like I knew Him but He just wasn't real to me yet! Do you know what I mean? Well, with that said I made choices that changed my life drastically.
I remember the day I found out clearly. It was after school one ridiculously hot summer day in Florida. We got in his rusty, gray clunker and headed for the department store pharmacy, he picked up a test and took forever to come out. I remember sitting in the parking lot with broken A/C and finally after what seemed like hours he was at the passenger door with THE BAG, the one that contained the answer to why in English class finals I had to run to the girls room multiple times, the one that would confirm my teachers hypothesis and the saltines she'd been giving me all week. Then with no warning he pulled out a baby toy, A BABY TOY! Are you kidding me? I had never been so disgusted. Right then that was not what I wanted to see, I was not excited about the idea of this nor did I want to even think about what it was going to look like being a mom.
So, we drove across town to the beauty salon my Mom worked at. I walked in and went strait to the bathroom... I sat by myself there and hesitated. This was going to be the rest of my life and I wasn't ready for it. I didn't know what was next. Well, I couldn't make it go away so I waited 3minutes and got the answer I knew was coming, POSITIVE... I was pregnant and my life was over, no more dreams of high school rodeo, no more teenage girl, no more beach with friends, no more life as I knew it. I cried and cried for longer than I can remember. I was young and scared and desperate and unequipped and disappointed and disappointed and disappointed.
As the weeks passed I worked part time at a local pizza place and oh my, do I remember the sickening smells. I would arrive at work, clock in, put on an apron and walk nauseous strait to the restroom, needless to say that didn't last long! I had the worst morning sickness I thought possible, 4-5 months worth. And I was beginning to realize what I had done.
I was going to be a Mom.
I was having a child... who would rely on me for her every need.
Two weeks after my seventeenth birthday I became the Mommy to a little life that challenged me to walk in faith. This was certainly not in the plan I had for my future, at least not this soon anyway! I grew up in a Christian home with a God fearing family surrounding me. My parents were just like yours and just like me now, trying their best to do this thing called life the best way they knew how. Looking back to me then I can see I searched for acceptance and love everywhere but up! God was there with me, just not part of my everyday life, it's like I knew Him but He just wasn't real to me yet! Do you know what I mean? Well, with that said I made choices that changed my life drastically.
I remember the day I found out clearly. It was after school one ridiculously hot summer day in Florida. We got in his rusty, gray clunker and headed for the department store pharmacy, he picked up a test and took forever to come out. I remember sitting in the parking lot with broken A/C and finally after what seemed like hours he was at the passenger door with THE BAG, the one that contained the answer to why in English class finals I had to run to the girls room multiple times, the one that would confirm my teachers hypothesis and the saltines she'd been giving me all week. Then with no warning he pulled out a baby toy, A BABY TOY! Are you kidding me? I had never been so disgusted. Right then that was not what I wanted to see, I was not excited about the idea of this nor did I want to even think about what it was going to look like being a mom.
So, we drove across town to the beauty salon my Mom worked at. I walked in and went strait to the bathroom... I sat by myself there and hesitated. This was going to be the rest of my life and I wasn't ready for it. I didn't know what was next. Well, I couldn't make it go away so I waited 3minutes and got the answer I knew was coming, POSITIVE... I was pregnant and my life was over, no more dreams of high school rodeo, no more teenage girl, no more beach with friends, no more life as I knew it. I cried and cried for longer than I can remember. I was young and scared and desperate and unequipped and disappointed and disappointed and disappointed.
As the weeks passed I worked part time at a local pizza place and oh my, do I remember the sickening smells. I would arrive at work, clock in, put on an apron and walk nauseous strait to the restroom, needless to say that didn't last long! I had the worst morning sickness I thought possible, 4-5 months worth. And I was beginning to realize what I had done.
I was going to be a Mom.
I was having a child... who would rely on me for her every need.
...to be continued
2 comments:
Oh...I can't wait for more!
touched by your sharing heart
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